Overwhelmed, Lost, and Confused? Start with... Exploration vs Deepening

If you want to live the life of your dreams, you need a process that you can confidently use to navigate all situations of overwhelm and confusion, particularly when it comes to your future growth and personal development, but also to solve challenging problems in work and life.

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This writing will solve that problem by providing a framework you can use and adapt to your current situation. 

 

Before we start, let me just say: being lost, overwhelmed, and confused is normal and you are not alone.

 

For context, the 21st century is an era of overwhelm! 

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Never ever in the history of humanity has there been more "stuff" to pay attention to. 

 

From news to cellphones to shows to watch on TV to what you are eating from the grocery store to what to study/learn to adapt to an everchanging environment, there is just way too much. 

 

We are also living in a more globalised world than before, meaning more and more people are traveling/moving...

 

...We are making many more acquaintances than ever before, but long lasting community connections that deeply care for one another are rare. And this is exacerbated by social media and dating/connection sites.

 

From "choosing a tomato sauce for dinner" to "finding your purpose", there are no clear answers, and options are - more than ever before - endless.

 

Just think about the problem of choosing a tomato sauce in a big grocery store/mall (the kind that sells not just food and drinks but also plants, furniture, stationary, books, vehicle accessories and travel suitcases) as an example.

 

If you didn't have a very clear vision of exactly which one you wanted... and you didn't already experiment by trying them all... here are some of the questions you might ask yourself: 

 

A red sauce or a white one?

Or a green one like pesto?

Should it have meat, veggies, herbs, a mix of all, or be plain?

Should it be vegan or gluten free?

Organic or not organic?

The cheap store brand or one of the other higher priced competing brands?

Should I check the back of the label to compare the sugar contents or if there are any other weird/processed ingredients inside?

(There probably is some combination of weird processed ingredients in all of them, actually... So unless you go to a different and more specialised store, the question is: what is the amount you're willing to accept and should you prioritise minimising sugars or trans fats?)

 

My God! 

 

And that's just tomato sauce. 

 

Just 1 of the 20 to 40,000's of decisions you make in a day.

No wonder your brain is overwhelmed, confused, and tired... craving comfort in some mindless doom scrolling or watching videos for entertainment. 

 

Let's go back to the idea of living the life of your dreams.

 

What you will need is clarity, not confusion... but sometimes you must go through confusion in order to get to clarity. 

 

On a high level, this writing will help. 

 

There are many different ways of defining and framing things that all lead to the same result... here, we will talk about "motivation and drive" as an equivalent to the "willingness and desire" to do the things that you need to do to achieve your goals.

 

But in order to have that effortless motivation and drive, you need to have clarity on your goal. 

 

The idea of a goal is such a huge topic, so for this writing, we will not be breaking it down. Instead, we will be looking through a lens of goals that are pretty high level: in other words, the kind of "big" goals that take a longer time period to accomplish (weeks, months, years, decades), as opposed to the really "chunked down" version of goals that take something closer to "minutes, hours, or days" to accomplish. 

 

Now, how do we make taking (the right) action towards those goals effortless?

 

Realise that there is a tango between two pieces of the puzzle that make your motivation and drive real.

 

One of those is your goal itself - let's call it the "clarity of vision" (the "what"), and the other is your "self-belief" (the "how") to make it happen for you, which also includes the hope and trust that you will "figure out how to make it happen" (when you don't know).

 

Once you've got those two things in place, you will be unstoppable!

 

The tricky thing is that these two things sometimes depend on each other...

 

For example, if you have low self-belief, you will not really want to go find out what makes you motivated; and vice-versa, if you do not have clarity on what makes you motivated, you might think there is something wrong with you and stay stuck with low self-belief because you aren't taking the actions.

 

If, by this point in the reading, you know exactly (10/10 level) what you want out of your life in a high level and you also have a 10/10 belief in yourself to make it happen (or believe that you can figure out how to make it happen) for you, you might want to just skim down to how to use this process for problem solving in general rather than motivation and self-belief.

 

If, however, you are not at a 10/10 on the clarity of vision (building motivation) and 10/10 on self-belief... 

...the process that I will propose here aims to provide you with the fundamentals of how to get started cutting through the noise and building that unstoppable momentum.

 

And the great thing about that (unstoppable momentum) is that each little step of additional clarity on "vision" will build on self-belief (because the outcome matters to you) and each little step of additional self-belief you gain will dial up your motivation (because the gap between "possibility" and "reality" will be reducing in front of your own eyes). 

 

Ready? Let's go! 

 

First, let us define vision: what is meant here is the kind of life you want, the kind of experiences you wish to have, the kind of values you want to live by and what you'd like to create of your life.

 

For a 10/10 vision, you will need that to be in as much detail as possible until it becomes real (and then maybe even keeps going deeper and clearer)... 

 

You'll want to know exactly how much income you want and by when (having it all mapped out), what bucket list items/experiences do you have (and in what priority/order you want to have them), what kind of lifestyle do you want to live (where are you: the kind of climate, culture, in nature or a big city, what you do: for income and for fun, when you do: what do you do weekly, monthly, seasonally, annually, and even in the next phase of life - whether that is the next stage of growth or your retirement from the world of work, and finally, with whom: what kind of relationship(s) and/or pets you want) etc. 

 

You cannot expect to have this all figured out in your 20's or even 30's (or even 40's or 50's)... but as life goes on, you can get closer and closer to that 10/10 clarity. You will feel it when it gets clearer. And, at some point, it gets "clear enough" that it 'feels' like 10/10 for practical purposes, but then few months, years, or decades later, it will get even clearer.

 

Enjoy the ride - it will all come in due time as you accrue life experiences. Most important: have faith and trust that it will and 'be okay' with not knowing it all now.

 

Next, we define self-belief. 

 

10/10 self-belief looks like this: 100% unshakeable (nobody can take it away not even with criticism and no event or failure can take it away either) belief in yourself, a knowing that you deserve more than where you are currently, and a strong belief that you have what it takes or you can get to become a person who has what it takes to reach your goals - nothing can stop you, even if (you think) the goal(s) are insane compared to your current skillset.

 

It's okay if you are 10-20+ years away from reaching that dream - you can still strongly believe that you will get there. Yes, there is a component of "faith and trust" to it - do you see how it also relates to clarity? 

 

Again, it will come in due time. And there are some more specific learnings and doings which will help build that self-belief.

 

You might still be wondering back to the original question: "how do I cut through the chaos of overwhelm and confusion, and actually know what to focus on to live the life of my dreams?"

 

Now that we've got definitions out the way, we can actually build the model in your mind.

I believe there are two possible case scenarios of where you might be right now and I'll address both of them here.

 

Regardless of which one is your situation, this model will be helpful. 

 

We'll call it the "Exploration vs Deepening" Triangle model.

 

Picture a simple triangle, just like Maslow's hierarchy of needs. But rather than having "fixed" lines representing categories of needs, think of it more as a spectrum or gradient that represents where you are in terms of the two dimensions, "exploration" and "deepening". 

 

On the bottom on the triangle there is a lot of width but not much height: this is the state of pure exploration. On the top of the triangle, there is a lot of height, but there is no width. This is the state of pure deepening. 

 

And in the spectrum in between the base and the peak of the triangle is all combinations of both exploration and depth possible.

 

"Exploration" is the tool that is used when you just don't know the solution, either because there are so many different possibilities that you can't just "pick" one (like the tomato sauce problem earlier), or, when there is a solution that you simply did not know existed (maybe the perfect tomato sauce is only available online and you haven't found it yet)! 

 

Exploration solves the two sides of this problem by either trying all things that you do know are possible and having a more realistic experiential understanding to the best solution, or by discovering the perfect solution when you didn't know it existed because all of the solutions you've explored so far were not satisfactory.

 

"Deepening" is the tool that is used to build experience and depth, when you have some idea of the solution (through exploration), but now you want to get "world class" at it - either in your skills or quality. That might sound confusing, so I'll expand on skills and quality. 

 

For skills: if the solution to a problem you have is to build on a skill (learning a language, learning a useful technical skill, becoming a better practitioner at your craft, becoming better at physical activities, becoming better at communication, emotions, or relationships), that is the work of the "deepening" side. 

 

For quality: if the solution to a problem you have is something more material or tangible (building, designing, or decorating a home, building a business with its' systems, products, and services, upgrading things that are already in place, such as becoming more fashionable, more confident, more assertive), this is also the work of "deepening".

 

Here, "skills" and "quality" do have some overlap, and some of the examples can be viewed as belonging to "either/or" of the categories. The important point I wanted to make was there were two dimensions to deepening.

 

The heart or essence of deepening is about "making better", whereas the heart of exploration is about "figuring out" and discovering. 

 

How to use this model. 

 

This triangle model can be applied to life itself (overall) or any of several dimensions/aspects of life, from health to relationships to wealth to leisure.

 

Life is a personal growth journey, and the good news is, you already have had some exploration (of the breadth and variety that life has to offer) in your life, and you already have had some experience of depth (of knowledge, expertise or experience).

 

Only new born babies are at the very bottom of the triangle - they have 'zero' depth of experience and are '100%' in exploration mode of what this worldly reality is. 

 

Depending on what aspect of your life you are looking at (whether it's your "overall" life, or certain more specific aspects of it), where you are right now on the Exploration vs Deepening Triangle will be different.

 

Some things you will have tried and explored already, some things you will not know are possible or available. And for all of the things you have explored, you've gone to a varying degree of depth in.

 

To navigate the overwhelm and confusion, it's a matter of figuring out the right balance of exploration and deepening that will most efficiently lead you to your goals. 

 

In the "tomato sauce" problem context, your experience may dictate that you want a red tomato sauce with veggies, and that narrows your options. From there, you can either "pick one" or "try them all" (eventually) over the course of a few shopping trips. In this process, you build "depth" of experience, and that depth gets you closer to clarity about what enhancements or combinations will work best for you. For example, the "perfect" solution for you may involve going with a plain red sauce and adding your own veggies and herbs.

 

But you can't do it all at once.

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And here is one of the most important points about this problem-solving model... 

 

There is a trade-off related to the use of your time and energy as you go about within the space the triangle.

 

The more you are "exploring", the less you can go "deep", and vice versa: the more you go deep (in fewer areas), the less you can explore (a broad range of them). 

 

As such, it's a problem-solving process.

 

One of the "fundamental laws" of human self-development and peak performance is that we all have a "fixed" range in the amount of time and energy we have left once all our basic survival needs are met. That specific amount can vary widely from person to person and even across time periods (days, weeks, months, seasons, or even "phases of life"), but the principle remains the same. 

 

The "free" time and energy you have to navigate overwhelm and confusion is relatively fixed, and thus "how you choose to spend it" is key!

 

As an example (feel free to adjust the numbers to fit your life situation right now): 

 

Let's say you have 10 hours free per week. You could spend 1 hour on 10 different topics, and that will massively accelerate the breadth (exploration) of your experiences and growth. Alternatively, you could spend all 10 hours on 1 specific topic, which will massively accelerate your depth in that specific topic but not do anything for your breadth of exploration.

 

The key to cutting through the overwhelm and confusion is to be conscious and intentional about the right balance that you are headed towards, which is actually entirely in your control.

 

Now let's apply it these concepts to "problem solving" life: 

 

In the first case scenario, you have a decently clear vision of what you want in life, maybe a 6 to 9 out of 10. You might know what a few pieces of it looks like, you might've had an experiential taste of it, and you want either "more" or just a "slightly different, better version" of it. In this case, you probably want to focus on "deepening" so that you build more expertise or experience a higher quality life.

 

For this situation with the clear vision, motivation will come more effortlessly, because there's already a knowing of "what" and (most likely) "why" you are going for this particular vision (it has to do with your unique circumstances and values). All of this makes charting out the roadmap and plan (the "how") to achieve that vision a lot easier, which makes "taking action" easier, and makes progress easier, reinforcing the cycle of positive returns and real results as outcomes in your life.

 

Yet, even with a clear (overall) vision, you might still find yourself in overwhelm and confusion. The solution is simple. 

 

Most likely this problem is because there is either... a lot to do, and possibly a big learning curve in order to achieve that vision, or, the vision may be so super long term that it's hard to bridge the gap between that vision and today.

 

The solution?

 

If it's related to the vision being so big, bring your vision down to milestones (decades, years, and months) and work on achieving the next most conceivable one.

 

If it's the "a lot to do" or big learning curve to achieve it, you can also chunk that down into areas and focus only on the area with the highest return towards your goals (and drop everything else). You will feel it once that piece has advanced far enough, and then you can move on to the next piece of the puzzle.

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As such, it is once again, a process - so let it be and unfold like a process. 

 

In the second case, the vision for what you want in life is not at all clear - a 5/10 or below - you haven't really thought about it, or there are maybe "so many options" you are paralysed by the overwhelm, or maybe you've just never given it any conscious thought. You could go into different lines of work, different places to live, have different lifestyles, etc. In this case, you probably want to focus on "exploration" so that you gain experiential clarity about what things to discard and what things to focus on. This will lead to greater certainty about how you can create the most fulfilling life for yourself in the long term.

 

If your vision is not so clearly defined, your first step is to define it, but you won't be able to just sit down for a few hours and "think" your way into defining it - you actually have to go out into the world and "explore" what's out there so that you can get the experience of it. 

 

All dreams start as ideas.

 

Exploration is what connects the dots of creativity, exploration is what makes you go from curious to passionate, exploration is what helps you go from "unsure" of what you want to "clarity". So, if you haven't got a clear (enough) vision of what you want your life to look like, your first step is to explore. Start where it feels right, or just go anywhere. Everything you spend time and energy on is a clue about your interests and values.

 

Try new things! The more "different" they are to what you already know, the better! 

 

Drop the idea of adhering to a certain life vision or lifestyle that has probably been programmed into you by society and instead explore the one that feels with 100% certainty to be the one for you.

 

Drop the idea of being an expert in any one field or topic, and instead get clear on which one it is you want to become an expert in. 

 

Explore what fun activities really make your life worth living - and do more of those. Explore what kind of relationships you want to be in, and gravitate towards those. Explore the different ways that you can get to your goals, and try! 

 

The canvas is blank so that you can paint the picture on it. If the picture no longer pleases you, you are free to bin it and start over. 

 

The clearer the picture you have in mind, the more real it can be for you. And the clearer it is, the more you will be able to take effortless actions towards making it a reality. 

 

The two scenarios above are more related to long term trajectories (building careers, getting clear on the overall life vision), but how do we apply this to the short term, more day to day problem solving of life?

 

Imagine you are booking your next vacation. It's already approved and happening: you're going to take 1 week holiday in two months to totally disconnect from your work life.

 

There are many pieces to the puzzle: how much it will cost, where it will be, what you will be doing... 

 

You can use the "Exploration vs Deepening" Triangle model to map the things you are unsure of against your goals and priorities.

 

If you want to explore more of the world, you should aim to diversify your experience by going somewhere with a totally different climate and culture. If your goal is to maximise rest and minimise cost, you can go somewhere much closer and focus on deeply rejuvenating activities. You can even 'zoom in' to the level of "what kind of rejuvenating activities" give you the most rest and recovery using this model by balancing how much you are exploring vs deepening in that area. What kind of massages have you explored? How about saunas? Hot tubs? Meditations? Floatation tanks? 

 

The exploration vs deepening triangle model is a process that you can confidently use to navigate all situations of overwhelm and confusion, particularly when it comes to your future growth and personal development. 

 

You can use it to problem solve on a day to day level, weekly-monthly level, and also for the overall trajectory of your life.

 

Get clear on what you want. It's helpful to also get clear on "why" you want it, as that will provide clues to help you either let go of old beliefs that don't serve you or be more confident in standing your ground about the beliefs that do serve you. 

 

And if you're already clear on what you want, where you're going, and why, the only thing between your current situation and making it happen is taking action. Repeatedly. Until you manifest that reality. 

 

Be at peace with the fact that you cannot have all the answers right now... that's because it is a process. 

 

You can do it. I'm right here beside you, cheering for you! 

 

Lots of love, 

 

Anthony 

 

PS: 

If you haven't yet read the "Radical Self Belief" or "Leaf and the Eclipse" writing, I suggest you read those two as well because they will drive up that self-belief piece of the puzzle. ​

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